The rat race or headless chicken?

Ever wondered why it's called the rat race? I've never had the inclination to look this up in the venerable encyclopaedia of encyclopaedias. I've never 'wikied' it. Until now. And boy, did it let me down. The first 5 seconds of scanning the Google results page did not yield a result that seemed to make sense. Then I found this at Wapedia and it seemed to make know what it was talking about.

Wapedia seems to think the corporate game of keeping that promotion or progression oh-so-elusive causes a rat race. I'm sure the term progression was the love child of Human Resources/Human Capital honchos who sat up at night wondering what jargon they could come up with to make this process any more palatable. I digress, as usual.

Apparently, rats run around in tunnels, pretty much in circles and end up going nowhere. I'll save my comments on what I think of the scientists who did the 'study' on rats running around in circles in tunnels ending up going nowhere for another post. I suppose, it turns out some amused CEO of a company saw the way his executives were keeping themselves on edge and running around purposefully - and knew they were going nowhere, just because he was the boss. He decided to call it a rat race.

I've always equated the race for progression to the final dance of a headless chicken. For one, its frenzied, its urgent and most importantly, the poor chicken probably thinks it can have its head back when it gets to where it's going (how it can think without it's head, I am not too sure). However, a rat race sounds more positive. The word race evokes thoughts of a competition, with an outcome and a winner. However, it does not reflect reality, for in a race, you cannot legally influence the outcome with contacts, making it look like you're running the fastest and sucking up to the guy who holds the timer. You do it by winning the race fair and square.

My gut feeling leans toward headless chicken, quite simply because, there is a mad scramble to get to the next level, often without a clue on direction, means or methods. The chicken that does make it to the next level fastest is the one that has taken the most direct route, by lying still and letting the butcher have his way. The only issue is that the poor little chicken doesn't know that the next level is a boiling pot of oil. Catch my drift? The next level is no better; in fact it is only worse.

Why am I having this long winded whinge? Simply because I am a headless chicken too. All my life, I have looked at the next level and thought life would get easier. Such frivolous thoughts were fuelled by not-so-innocent bystanders who have confirmed just that. When I let the rope slack in 12th grade, I was goaded on with someone saying the hard work now will lead to a life of relaxation at graduation for I will have that extra edge, in CA, the constant thought that accompanied me in all those sleepless nights was that this struggle will lead to a plum job and life of relaxation. I am now sure that 5 years and 3 promotions down the line, life will be cool once I make it to the next level. Pucka puckk puckk...

Note to self: quit smoking

Right upto a decade ago, governments in general and tobacco companies in particular vehemently denied any links between smoking and what's that called, cancer of the dungs or bungs or, ah, its lungs. They cited several very competitive studies involving, let's say, a 1000 people. If less than 10% of the population studied did NOT get lung cancer from smoking, the study concluded that there was insufficient evidence to support a link between lung cancer and smoking. So you could smoke wherever you wanted and the tobacco companies were happy with all the revenue, government was happy with all the additional tax revenue, celebrities were happy with all the endorsement revenue and the lousy lout who paid for all this was happy thinking it was cool to do so. All was fine and dandy. The sun shined and birds chirped and all that.

Around a decade ago, a particularly chirpy lad sat up and said, hang on, if less than 10% of the population did NOT contract a disease of some form or the other, it means 90% did. To add insult to injury for the tobacco companies, the lad found people around smokers, were more badly affected. That's not a good thing. This lad being well connected, lobbied and lobbied hard. Suddenly, the fashionable thing to do in government circles was to ban smoking in public places. 

Considering I'm not a smoker, and detest any form of smoke, I'm all for banning smoking in public places. However, like all good things, there was a catch. Anything relating to banning is required, by law, to be brought about by the government. Paragraph 1 above clearly demonstrates that the government is not very good at defining things. True to their reputation, they messed up on the definition of public places. They included almost every place but the kitchen sink within their definition of public places, making smokers an exiled species, who were forced to go outside every time the urge to light up got the better of them. It was no longer fashionable and they became the equivalent of social outcasts. In all their wisdom, the government forgot to include the most of public of public places, sidewalks and pavements.

This blasted oversight has created more smokers than before. Thanks to this loophole, non-smoking walkers were left with two choices. They could walk in a smog of carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, methane, nicotine, acetone, acetylene, formaldehyde, propane, hydrogen cyanide, toluene, and many others or they could walk in a smog of carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, nitrogen monoxide and particulates. Each option is less appealing than the other. However, most pedestrians choose the slow route to hell simply because they prefer not getting run over. 

It's extremely annoying when one is walking along the pavement, minding your own business and pottering about and you're stuck behind a block-head with a death stick, who is also, incidentally, pottering about. One then speeds up and overtakes said block-head, only to get stuck behind death stick toting block-head in front of the one one just overtook. The result is that one is always smoking if one is walking. 

In light of the above, I can do one of two things, I can quit walking or I can quit smoking. I have decided to do the latter, but in order to do that, I need help in raising money to do so. I will be gratefully accepting any monetary assistance from philanthropists who would be willing to help a poor bean counter buy a gas mask. Thank you.

Recession hits home...

His eagle-like eyes concentrate on the minutest details. Every movement the banker makes is the subject of an extensive audit. Why was this deposit made, how much did you credit my account with, how much have you debited for that purchase, how much rent is due to me, prove to me that you have credited my salary etc., etc., are perpetual challenges the banker faces.

When its time to indulge in muti-million dollar deals, he pushes hard, really hard. Arguments are a-dime-a-dozen within this board room, no acquisition is settled without a lengthy debate, without an analysis about the strength of the investment and of benefits of investing in real estate.

He is ruthless in collecting rent for his properties. Relations and relationships have no place in the world of business and no one is spared.

His strategy worked just fine and he always finished as a multi-millionaire, victorious and rich. Until yesterday. Yesterday he was forced to file for bankruptcy, by his own daughter-in-law.

That, my dear readers, is how appa plays Monopoly. It takes an experienced eye to distinguish between the seriousness with which he trades in shares and plays Monopoly. No matter who rolls the dice, he personally totals it, he follows each and every player's moves to make sure they are done legally and makes sure rent is paid in accordance with the rules before the next person rolls the dice, he is a one man army comprising investor, auditor and investment guru, extolling the virtues of investing in real estate.

Fans of 'Lage Raho Munnabhai' would be familiar with the following conversation between Lucky and the corrupt government servant (obviously not verbatim, but reproduced accurately!):

Lucky: Kitna mangta hai kaam khatam karne? (How much do you want to finish the job?)
Corrupt Government Servant: Rs 10 lakhs
Lucky: Rs 20 thousand
CGS: Rs 8 lakhs
Lucky: Rs 25 thousand
CGS: Final offer Rs 5 lakhs
Lucky: Great, na tera, na mera Rs 2.5 lakhs, the deal is done, moo meeta kar! (neither yours nor mine, Rs 2.5 lakhs, the deal is done, bring out the sweets).

I simply love this type of bargaining and here's the scene that took place between appa and amma yesterday over appa's aborted attempt to purchase Hong Kong from amma with hopes of building a hotel. The original price amma paid for Hong Kong was M$ 2.6m

Appa: How much do you want for Hong Kong?
Amma: I paid 2.6 million and since you will build a hotel if I sell it to you, I want atleast 8 million (this was reasonable considering I was her financial advisor and after looking at possible inflows to appa once he builds a hotel there, I suggested the figure of 8 million).
Appa: I will give you 3 million, nothing more
Amma: Nothing doing, I'll come down to maximum 6 million
Appa: I'm not paying more than 3.2 million, take it or leave it.
Amma: OK fine, I'm leaving it.

10 rounds later, appa was bankrupt because the rest of us built hotels at each of our places, my wife at Sydney, London and New York, amma at Rome, Shanghai and Vancouver and me at Montreal and Riga. He ended up staying at London quite a bit and with no sources of funds other than his salary run, his income could not keep up with his extravagant expenses and he had to be declared bankrupt!

Its a cruel world, 'init?

Should I bring out the bubbly?

My name is Anand and I'm (supposed to be) a geek. And in Geekland, today I got the ultimate reward. I'll get to it in a bit. First, more on why I'm a geek.

Geek is a label that my sister lovingly stuck onto my forehead while I was with her in Dubai. I think that label is wrong more on account of her being 'um, lets say, "technologically challenged" rather than on my being any sort of technical gee-whiz with soda bottle glasses. You see, back then, when I was in Dubai, I was a man of simple means, living the bachelor life in a single room with no TV or girlfriends to keep me company. So it became that my means of entertainment centred around the Internet and appliances that make it possible to connect to the Internet - i.e., computers and related items.

I was quite content using my office laptop with a tethered connection for these pursuits until the suits in my office decided that using the office laptop for personal purposes was blasphemy and blocked all the fun software - messengers, video players and the like. For some sadistic reason, there were some software that were not blocked, but an email was circulated saying you may install these software, but if you get caught, somebody's gonna get hurt, we won't say who.

I needed a personal laptop now and not wanting to settle for anything else, it came in the form of a Mac. Soon I was blissfully spending nights watching movies online and even downloading some of them. Problem solved? No. My Mac has a 13" screen, so keeping it tethered meant the screen was faraway and audio sounded wonky. So I got a wireless router and sound blasters (again of the super fast and super fine quality varieties respectively). Problem number 3 was that I was running out disc space thanks to my fire-at-will downloading, so I needed more hard disk space and that came in the form of a 500GB WD MyBook (back then that was the most space available). The only drawback to the above was the minefield of wires that necessitated tip-toeing into my room to avoid an urgent meeting between face and floor. So that's about my computing pursuits.

Next on the list is my love of good mobile phones running Windows Mobile and lovely, fun filled hours spent customising them with custom ROMs that I tested for some 'fellow' geeks at an online forum. The result - three phones, with one almost always connected to my laptop. That's it.

When I started this blog, I also included a stat counter so I can see which countries people are visiting my page from and get some cheap kicks out of that. So in geek terms, I am really only a teenager who is experimenting and nowhere near the professional that I am portrayed to be. I can see true geeks nodding in agreement and I am thankful to them.


But please, pretty please, call me a geek! Why, because I got the reward mentioned above. With frowning eyebrows, I can see you asking me what that reward is. Here it is: my page is listed 6th out of 4.2 million web pages, I am on Google!












PS: I will not rest until I reach the number 1 spot. So, to answer my question, no I will not bring out the bubbly on this occasion, but yes, I might just treat myself to another custom ROM...